The fairytale Cinderella is our favorite. We all read it when we are young. It entertains us in so many ways. There is a beautiful heroine, leading a hard life with her stepmother and stepsisters. They all call her Cinderella. Then with the magical help from her Godmother, Cinderella goes to the ball. She is so beautiful that the Prince Charming falls in love with her. They get married and live happily ever after.

The three stories are written by Charles Perrault, Jakob and Wilhelm Grimm and Giambattista Basile. And their heroines are called Cinderella, Ashputtle and Zezolla. In the following paragraphs, I will show you the differences and similarities among them. They are all beautiful, but do they have merits or defects? Why are they successful? What do they do to their stepsisters when they get married to Princes? These questions exist are relevant to our daily lives when we deal with all kinds of relationships. Reading this paper, you will know what you should do no matter what situation you find yourself in.

1. When you are in a social relationship…

(1)Who to tell your troubles to.When you are in trouble, who will you choose to tell?In Grimms’ version, Ashputtle, when treated unfairly, does nothing but cry on her mother’s grave. She only expresses her feelings to her dead mother.While Zezolla, in Basile’s version, unwisely expresses her feelings to her governess. In the story, when her father remarries, he brings home a wicked woman to be her stepmother. Zezolla then complains to her governess, expressing the wish that “you could be my little mother”. When her governess hears that, she gives Zezolla instructions, killing her step-mother and working on her father to marry the governess. Zezolla shows bad judgment in following her governess only to find that her life is totally changed from good to bad after her governess becomes her new step-mother. No one knows the woman has six daughters of her own. She manages to let Zezolla’s father, her husband, ignore his own daughter.(2). Being assertive.We all need comfort from our close friends but we also need to take appropriate action to solve problems. We are independent from each other.In Grimms’ version, when Ashputtle can have whatever she wishes for from the little bird on the hazel tree on her mother’s grave, she still goes to her stepmother to weep and beg to go to the ball. She believes in her stepmother rather than her own ability to take concrete action.Unlike Ashputtle, Cinderella, in Perrault’s version, shows thinking ability when “her godmother is wondering how she would make a coachman”. She offers the advice that “I will go and see whether there is a rat in the rat-trap, we could make a coachman of him”. She plays an active role, lending a hand to help the situation move on, not sitting back and watching. Shouldn’t we be as assertive as her to act for ourselves?(3).Being helpful but not aggressive.It’s good to be helpful, but not in an aggressive way. Zezolla shows us a bad example of aggressiveness. Firstly, she insists on getting her governess opinion of how to make her take place of her step-mother. Then she is determined to carry out her governess’ plan “in every particular”, and goes to extremes by killing her stepmother. Finally, she interferes in her father’s affairs to persuade him to marry the governess when he has no thought of doing so. Not only isn’t she entitled to do this, but she is aggressive rather than helpful.

Later, when Zezolla feels life is harder than ever before, she knows to grasp at the chance when it comes, cleverly making her father keep his promise to go to a cave of the fairies, “beg them to send her some gift”. In this way, she succeeds in getting the magical help from the fairies. When asked by a fairy what she wants, she gets to the point that she “would like sometimes to leave the house without the sisters knowing it”. This time, she changes the situation from unfavorable to satisfactory in a determined way, not aggressive.

2.What to do to contribute to your social relationship?

(1)Being sensitive to co-operate.ometimes it is a good idea to cooperate with your competitors.Two of our heroines, Ashputtle and Zezolla, make their situations more difficult by fighting with and humiliating their stepsisters unnecessarily. Then no doubt they are in a bad relationship. In Basile’s version, when the feast days come, Zezolla goes where her stepsisters go. Three times “after having excited the envy and wonder of her sisters”, she leaves. Then her sisters return “to vex and mortify her”, describing “at length all the fine things” that they have seen at the feast. She makes no response at that. They don’t talk wherever they are.However, in Perrault’s version, Cinderella performs simple actions to save herself. At times, she cooperates with her stepsisters. When they are excitedly preparing for the ball, she “made useful suggestions and even offered to do their hair for them”. They accept willingly for she has “excellent taste”. What’s more, at the ball, when her beauty as a heavenly being wins the Prince’s heart, she offers her step-sisters fruits to please them. Finally, when her sisters return home with pleasure, she chats with them playfully and tricks them into believing that she wants to see the “Princess” who gives them the fruits. She communicates very well with her “enemies”, having a good relationship with them, to all appearance.(2).Being flexible.nother fabulous way to win your success in your public relation is being flexible. It’s an extremely important quality you should have. With or without that makes you great difference, because we are all on our way in our lives, which means we must adapt to different conditions and circumstances as they occur.

In Grimms’ version, when Ashputtle begs her stepmother to go to the ball and is refused, she goes to ask the hazel tree: “Shake your branches, little tree. Throw gold and silver down on me.”  She moves on by finding another way to solve her problem. She is flexible.

In Basile’s version, Zezolla applies different ways to get rid of the servant’s dogging. The first time she is followed, she “threw down a handful of crowns”. The second time, she “threw down a handful of pearls and jewels”. The last time, she makes her carriage go faster to out distance her pursuer. She does succeed all three times. She figures out different ways according to different situations.

In Perrault’s version, when Cinderella’s stepsisters return from the ball, she goes to open the door pretending she has just woken up. When they tell her about the beautiful princess, she asks to borrow one of their dresses to go to the ball. Secretly  she expects their refusals. She handles her sisters and the situation shrewdly. She chats with them, tries to please them and protects her own privacy at the same time.

3. When you are in a competition

(1)Making a win-win situation.he key point in managing a competition is to make a win-win situation between you and your rivals. We can have a good idea on how to do after studying the behavior of Cinderella.

In Perrault’s version, when Cinderella’s two stepsisters are busy preparing for the ball, they need to have their hair dressed. “Anyone else would have done their hair in knots for them”, but Cinderella “had a sweet nature, and she finished it perfectly.” She satisfies them by making them more beautiful.

In an unfavorable environment, she protects herself by being valuable to her “enemies”. She makes it a win-win situation, finding out what is easy for her but valuable to them. She exchanges something she doesn’t need for something she needs. The other two heroines are not as good at managing the competition, so their lives at home are much harder than Cinderella’s.

(2).Being active.uccess——is the key ingredient in a competition. Anyone who is in a competition should be active to be a winner. What do three heroines do when they are becoming a winner? One passively waits for the result to come. One avoids facing the result until later when urged by others. One goes to get the answer of being a winner smilingly. You will feel very interested in comparing their different ways and also you can figure out what to do in such situations.

In Grimms’ version, after the king’s son decides:”No girl shall be my wife but the one this golden shoe fits”, he comes to Ashputtle’s house. The sisters are ecstatic, and rush to have a try. Ashputtle knows when the shoe test happens, but she doesn’t appear until they call her to have a try. She knows it is her golden shoe, but she doesn’t stop her sisters when they cut their toe and heel in order to fit the shoe.

In Basile’s version, when the King gives a banquet for all the women in the land in order to have a shoe-test, Zezolla doesn’t go there with her father. At the request of the King, “do not leave behind a single woman, whoever she may be”, on the next day, Zezolla’s father brings her there to find her foot fits the shoe very well. Without doubt, she becomes the queen of the King.

4. What to do when you win

When you become a winner, what will you do? Have you got any idea? Undoubtedly, “Cinderellas” are all successful. But what you should pay attention to is how they handle their rivals who are defeated.

In Grimms’ version, on the day of Ashputtle’s wedding, the doves pluck out the eyes of the two stepsisters. She goes to extreme to punish her rivals in such a cruel way. Life is full of competitions and competitors show up at every stage in your life. Can you stop all your rivals in your life?

In Basile’s version, when Zezolla becomes the queen, the sisters, angry and heartbroken, “crept quietly home to their mother”. She leaves them alone. She pays no attention to them. She completely ignores them.

Ignoring your rivals doesn’t mean they don’t exist. If unwisely you do in this way, you will be in danger of a greater attack from them in future. Anger gathers as time goes on and will eventually break out.

Finally, it is quite different in Perrault’s version. When Cinderella’s stepsisters “beg for her forgiveness for all the unkind things which they have done to her”, she accepts their apologies, and invites them to live in the palace. She even arranges good marriages for them. They appreciate her kindness, but we don’t have to follow her way in interfering in other’s lives. However what we can learn from her behavior is to maintain a relationship with rivals when the victory comes to you.

Conclusion

It is difficult to learn what we can do wisely in all kinds of situations, when we should compete and when we should cooperate. But one thing we can be sure is that it’s not an option for us to be passive and simply ask for help from others. Just as Jane Yolen in her article “America’s ‘Cinderella’” points out we have “the true magic inside us all ——the ability to change our own lives, the ability to control our own destinies”. (176) Remember, no one can develop very far in isolation. We should handle our relationship with our friends, colleagues and acquaintances well enough to make our lives better. We also should learn how to approach conflicts and other stressful dilemmas in a cooperative way. Finally we should remain competitive. It ensures our continued growth and success.

Although developing relationship skills takes times and effort, we can make all the difference by taking on just a few simple techniques. I hope you can have great ideas on how to make your living more meaningfully from reading this paper.

唐力忻：江苏海事职业技术学院外语系。